You are currently browsing the Down with Absolutes! weblog archives for April, 2006.
I think the Communists had a point. We must destroy all religion in America. Right. Now. And the below YouTube clip is exactly why. Thanks to The Nyominx for the link to this tragically hilarious clip of a totally wacky public-access religious nut. Enjoy. I’m on my third viewing.
Posted by Mike Matthews in Craziness at 4:29 PM PDT
Those Republicans know how to party! Tonight is some sort of fancy convention leading up to tomorrow’s planned nomination of Jan Ting for this year’s US Senate run. Obviously, the Republicans are partying just a bit too hard! As of 12:19 am…right now…their website is down!
Scandalous!
Posted by Mike Matthews in First State Filth at 12:20 AM PDT
It’s been going on all day. Perhaps you’ve noticed. Down with Absolutes!, as well as countless other blogs, have been crippled due to some cyberterrorism. Michelle Malkin has been on it all day. My webhost notified me earlier today about the attacks. It seems some folk from Saudi Arabia have decided to use their own brand of “free speech” on many blogs today. Mine was one of those attacked and has been down intermittently throughout the day.
It just goes to show you that Islamic crazies don’t just hate conservatives. They hate us liberals, too!
If these fundamentalist fuckers wanna start shit, then bring it. I’ll post every one of those Mohammad cartoons every day until they quit this BS.
Religious folk…can’t live with ‘em. Can’t murder them.
Posted by Mike Matthews in Craziness at 11:04 PM PDT
Many of you have read about my loathing of a neo-con organization called the Project for the New American Century, a group that advocated for pre-emptive war in Iraq since the end of the first Iraq War. The media has virtually IGNORED this cabal of neo-conservatives (Bill Kristol, Paul Wolfowitz, Don Rumsfeld, Richard Perle) that has seemingly guided US foreign policy since Bush took office.
One “mainstream media” outlet took on PNAC chairman Kristol last night on The Colbert Report. Watch Stephen Colbert turn a slimy Bill Kristol into a blubbering, yet speechless, puppet in this great Crooks & Liars clip taken from last night’s episode. Great, great piece of journalism the “liberal” MSM has totally ignored.
Posted by Mike Matthews in Common Sense at 3:33 PM PDT
I’m listening to it now. Not bad. It’s a straight ahead rock record. I was a bit weary of the centerpiece, “Let’s Impeach the President.” The lyrics are a bit wobbly, but they totally work in song form. The flip/flop coda in the middle, featuring sound clips of our own GW “flipping” and “flopping,” has to be the most effectively poignant piece of political commentary I’ve heard since Bush took office.
Here’s the link to stream the whole thing.
Thanks to Ryan Cormier for the link.
Posted by Mike Matthews in Music at 3:25 PM PDT
Dana Garrett’s Delaware Watch gets better and better as the days pass. In the past week he’s scored interviews with the great Jeff Wallace, of Stupid & Wrong, dissected a shady memo from the Delaware GOP, and landed a bitchin’ interview with GOP punching bag Mike Protack.
Particularly interesting was the Protack interview COMBINED with the shady DEGOP memo. Mike Protack has come out with his own statistics courtesy of some Salt Lake City research firm stating that, of the more than 2000 people surveyed, a clear majority of those “with an opinion” would prefer Mike Protack over yet-to-be nominated-but-clearly-in-the-lead Jan Ting for the US Senate race against incumbent Democrat Tom Carper this November. Of course, what the stats didn’t mention is that those who chose Protack cited his safe, “WASP-ish, white-boy name” as a deciding factor over that “man who looks like he delivered my General Tso’s chicken last night.” It’s entirely possible that those surveyed don’t even know who the hell Protack or Ting are. Or this could just be a case of Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics playing a trick on poor Mike Protack. The Delaware GOP’s been out to ruin him since he screamed “universal health care!”
But Mike Protack is a rock star in my mind.
Posted by Mike Matthews in First State Filth at 9:29 AM PDT
Shameful. Delaware native and corporate rocker George Thorogood thinks he’s gonna be the next Johnny Cash. In preparation for the release of his latest who-gives-a-fuck release, Thorogood had this to say about his hopeful musical progressions:
“The Hard Stuff” is Thorogood’s last in a three-album deal with Eagle Rock. Going forward, he says he’d “love to do an all-acoustic record someday. Everybody does an unplugged thing, but I’ve yet to do that. I might like to cut a live album at a prison. That would fit our image pretty well.”
Some of Johnny Cash’s most popular records were recorded live in prisons, namely San Quentin and Folsom County. As if hearing Bad to the Bone for the thousandth-time on classic rock radio wasn’t enough, now Thorogood wants to inflict his garbage on innocent convicts? Oh, wait. Come to think of it, Thorogood may be on to something.
Posted by Mike Matthews in First State Filth at 4:01 PM PDT
As much as I love her, Michelle Malkin needs to stop bitching about every person who comes out against this war or against George Bush. This act is getting old. At least those of us who are doing the criticism of said war and leader have some substantial facts going for us. For instance, 2500 dead American soldiers…countless thousands Iraqis and no democracy any time soon. Those are FACTS. Malkin and her other right-wing reactionaries could care less about those facts. They’re simply interested in labeling those who would dare disagree with worthless policy as “standard-issue, anti-war claptrap.”
Her latest target is Neil Young. Get over yourself, Michelle. If this was Britney Spears coming out against Bush and the war, you may have a point. But this is fuckin’ Neil Young. His insight into matters political is certainly worth more than Britney Spears’, or you, for that matter.
In related news, this Neil Young business has got me all excited. I just purchased his latest studio release, last year’s Prairie Wind, and it’s some good stuff. Maybe I’ll post a clip in the future.
Update I: Check out the unhinged haters commenting on Malkin’s new pet project, Hot Air. Good for a laugh or 20.
Posted by Mike Matthews in Conservatism at 12:32 PM PDT
Out today: More people uninsured than ever. What I find astounding is this:
The percentage of working-age Americans with moderate to middle incomes who lacked health insurance for at least part of the year rose to 41 percent in 2005, a dramatic increase from the 28 percent in 2001 without coverage, a study released on Wednesday found.
So, since Bush has been in office, the rate of uninsured has risen 13%? Oh my.
What’s funny is Bush’s approval ratings seem to plummet as the rate of uninsured rises. Need I remind you of this thoughtful screed I penned over a year ago? Aside from the obvious common sense I made, that post was also the introduction of the great remixed, leper-Jesus image. Thanks to Nyominx for remixing the image.
I kind of like Bush’s poll numbers in this continuing freefall. Hopefully, though, as his numbers continue to plummet, we won’t see the uninsured rate continue to rise.
Posted by Mike Matthews in Political Landscape at 2:24 PM PDT
I’ll leave all the jokes regarding the new conservative video blog Hot Air to the nutty liberals who’ve already made light of the new project’s choice of a name.
I’ll just get into my own experience with the conservative fiends commenting over there. Apparently, conservatives are not only dumb, but they have no sense of humor, as evidenced by my participation in this post. For those who don’t know, I’m commenter “mxmat2.” I replied to the conservatives’ nonsense several times, but I suppose it’s like talking to a 10-feet thick brick wall.
Hot Air is actually a pretty nice site. Well designed and the videos of hot Michelle Malkin are top notch. I always give credit when it is due and this project is intriguing and, so far, perfectly executed. But the wingnuts are out in force on the comments section. So I’ll just watch the videos.
Check it out if you have a couple extra minutes to spare while not playing solitaire at your sucky deskjob.
Posted by Mike Matthews in Conservatism at 9:47 AM PDT
In my haste to continually lambast our failure of a president, I forgot to mention a recent trip made by the president to see former President Gerald Ford. The article says Ford is 92. 92? Damn…the old man doesn’t look a day over 89! Seriously, though, he’s looking pretty good to be knockin’ on heaven’s door. And the drunk, drug addict standing beside him ain’t too bad, either.
President Bush and President Ford have something kind of in common. Ford served a quasi-term after having never been elected. Bush is serving two terms after having only been elected once.
Here’s wishing you another year of Metamucil and prunes, President Ford! Keep it regular, baby!
Posted by Mike Matthews in Friends at 8:51 PM PDT
Ok, time to move on. President Bush’s Approval Ratings Hit New Low: 32%.
Isn’t there a reality show that can be used to salvage this failure of a president? I’m thinking…
Iron President: A battle royale featuring American President Bush and Chinese President Hu Jintao. Horseback and jousts! Judge Wenyi Wang ultimately decides winner. Edge: President Bush
Bush and the Bee: Pitted against a room of fourth graders, Bush must spell his way out to keep his job! Edge: Fourth graders
Risk: Bush vs. Iranian Dictator Mahmoud Ahmedijanaraniabaas. Both players attempt to take over the world, however, get flustered once they find out the plastic army pieces don’t actually attack on command. Edge: It’s a draw. Two nutcases in charge of world domination will ALWAYS fuck it up.
Looking at these choices on how Bush can compensate for his shitty five years of leadership, it’s clear that there’s no way he can regain better approval ratings. It seems the only edge in which Bush would hold a clear lead is his inevitable impeachment.
Posted by Mike Matthews in General at 8:35 PM PDT
Barnes & Noble is streaming four songs from Paul Simon’s forthcoming, Brian Eno-produced Surprise. I’m only on song number one, “How Can You Live in the Northeast” and I’m already dancing.
Check it out.
Posted by Mike Matthews in Music at 4:24 PM PDT
Is this site slow for anyone else today? I think I may know why…just checking to see if you all are having speed issues, as well. Let me know in comments.
Posted by Mike Matthews in Personal at 3:43 PM PDT
I’m staying out of this one. Let’s hope they get to the good part and take off their shirts real quick!
People’s Exhibit #1: Dana Garrett gives it to the Delaware 2006ers.
People’s Exhibit #2: Ryan at Jokers fires back.
People’s Exhibit #3: DelaThought chimes in on Dana’s alleged moonbattery.
So who’s the winner in this sordid debate? Fuckin’ Mike Protack, that’s who!
Posted by Mike Matthews in First State Filth at 3:17 PM PDT
President Bush today announced that massive illegal alien deportations is not a viable or realistic option:
“Massive deportation of the people here is not going to work,” Bush said as a Congress divided over immigration returned from a two-week recess. “It’s just not going to work.”
In addition to speaking here, Bush was meeting Tuesday with a bipartisan group of senators at the White House to press his case.
In related news, Congressional Democrats announced that a massive, Executive Branch impeachment is a realistic option.
Posted by Mike Matthews in General at 3:05 PM PDT
Damn…it was only a week or two ago we learned Neil Young had ferociously recorded an anti-Bush album. And it seems Young and his label Reprise are itching to get it out to the record stores already.
Some in the Delaware blogosphere have tackled Young’s new work. Some, like PolitaKid, have already laid out their hand…calling what Young is saying “radical [and] hateful.” If I really wanted to poke holes into PolitaKid’s essentially dumb argument, then I would. However, I’ve already done that –as well as a few others– over at his site, in the post’s respective comments section.
As PolitaKid says, if you “want to listen to conservative, patriotic musicians, I should turn to country stars. But who wants to listen to country music?” I do like country music. Dixie Chicks ain’t half bad. Johnny Cash is rockin’. I liked Merle Haggard’s last release and Rodney Crowell, Emmylou Harris and Rosanne Cash are downright addictive. Oh, wait. They’re all liberals or Democrats.
Neil Young’s track record has been spotty of late. He can still pretty much guarantee a gold record (sales of 500,000 copies), but I think this new record, Living With War, could do gangbusters if it hits the right audience. And, seeing as how more than half the country is now against the war, this could prove to be Young’s rightful renaissance.
Screw The Needle and the Damage Done. How about…The Protest Album and the Fuck-Up Done?
Posted by Mike Matthews in Music at 2:59 PM PDT
Little children are HARDCORE these days! Some pathetic little 12-year old child allegedly murdered his mother and younger brother:
The boy, too young to face homicide charges as an adult in Maryland, appeared at his hearing via closed-circuit television from a juvenile detention center. Judge Melanie M. Shaw Geter ordered he remain in custody until his next hearing, set for May 15. His name was not released because of his age.
The boy’s mother, Katrina Denise Powe, 31, and 9-year-old brother, Mystery Toma Hillian, were found dead around 11 a.m. Sunday after Prince George’s County police were called to the apartment.
Maybe he went on this murderous spree after being teased about his name for so long. I’d be pissed, too, if my mom named me Roman a Clef.
Seriously, though…this is why we need to bring spankings back to school. My parents got whooped on a daily basis and I’m a perfectly well behaved child. Kids need to learn early that if they don’t behave they WILL get slapped in the face or pummeled with high-heel shoes!
Posted by Mike Matthews in Craziness at 2:37 PM PDT
I love the Delaware GOP. Their website rocks and their parties have some off tha hizzle fizood.
But those Commie-haters need to be put in their place! While perusing their photo gallery, I came upon this pleasant-enough treasure trove of Iraqi “solidarity” photos. If you remember, several decades ago, Iraqis had an uneventful and meaningless election. Millions of “unafraid” and “undaunted” Iraqis came out to vote for some leader who doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing. In return, they got a purple-ink blemish on their pointer fingers to prove they voted.
And these crazy mfer’s at the Delaware GOP did the same thing. Except, it doesn’t look like purple ink at all. Instead, it looks like what happens on a Orthodox Jewish girl’s first night of marriage! Either that or what poor Carrie White was going through in the opening scenes of that tragic film, pictured above. And what is it with the peace symbol used in each picture? Isn’t that a seditious gesture used by the traitorous left-wing party of America? Seriously, GOP. Get over the peace signs and red ink. We kicked the USSR’s ass in 1989.
Bring on the PURPLE fingers. Because, you know, they mean SO much if shit ain’t actually gettin’ done over there!
Posted by Mike Matthews in First State Filth at 12:29 AM PDT
Sebastian over at the First Slate needs to add Tom Carper to his awesome Joe “full- of-shit-since-1942″ Biden image. Because the good junior senator is stinkin’ up the place with his meandering and pointless blog postings!
Go to Sen. Carper’s most recent entry, dated April 20. (Senator, ever heard of a fuckin’ Permalink?).
Bullshit wafts through the internet in dribs and drabs. But Sen. Carper has cornered the market on odiferous BS! Let’s have a little fun with Sen. Carper’s tortured prose:
Senator Tom says: I feel like spring officially arrived last week.
I say: I feel like I just shit my pants. But I didn’t. I did that yesterday. And spring “officially arrived” a month ago.
Senator Tom says: Rain or shine, it’s a great time to get outside and enjoy all that Delaware has to offer.
I say: Bullshit. Who goes jogging or walking in the rain? And, more generally, who actually “enjoy[s] all that Delaware has to offer?” What DOES Delaware have to offer?
Senator Tom says: This week, during a trip I made downstate, I had a chance to talk with some folks about an environmental issue that I’ve spent a lot of time on during my tenure as a senator – clean air.
I say: You made a trip downstate? I don’t believe it. In fact, I call your bluff! Those toothless, liberal-hatin’ hicks will NEVER vote for your ass. Bullshit, Senator! And stop talking about clean air. That five-mile thick layer of smog that daily hangs over Capitol Hill is in part your making. BS! BS! BS! A pox on your home! And I’m talking avian all the way, baby!
Senator Tom says: For the past several months, I’ve been working with a bipartisan group of senators…
I say: I think George Carlin said congresspersons are, by their nature, full of shit. The introduction of the word bipartisan means there is a more concentrated and concerted act of bullshittery.
Senator Tom says: Unfortunately, an all-too-familiar gridlock in our nation’s Capitol has kept us from moving forward on legislation to dramatically reduce much of the pollution that comes out of our nation’s power plants.
I say: Yeah, the gridlock in our nation’s capital is your limo…or Lincoln towncar. Whatever it is your $140,000 salary gets you.
Senator Tom says: I hope that when I introduce our “new and improved” legislation in the next several weeks, we’ll finally persuade the rest of the Senate that it’s time to get past the gridlock and enact the first significant revisions to the Clean Air Act in more than 15 years.
I say: “New and improved?” Now that’s a bullshit identifier there! Especially when it slips from the mouth of a senator seeking reelection!
Senator Tom says: It’s not that we haven’t made progress in cleaning up our air.
I say: You have made progress? I swear I grow a temporary tumor on the side of my head every morning I step out and take that first, pungent breath of air.
Senator Tom says: But as I stood on the banks of the Indian River this past Wednesday – with the smokestacks of the Indian River power plant looming a few hundred yards behind me – I was once again mindful of the work that remains to be done.
I say: From the tortured to the literary: “As I stood on the banks of the Indian River…???” Senator, when did you become James Michener? Yours is not to illustrate such obscenely disgusting environments. Yours is to take money from those corporations who seek to destroy said environments!
I’m done. I’ve only perused half of what Sen. Carper (or his unpaid, college-intern ghostwriter) has written and the bullshit is making me smell. I need to go take a shower. You all have any other naughty bits you’d like to dissect? Do it in the comments. Maybe I’ll send this off to the good senator.
Posted by Mike Matthews in First State Filth at 6:57 PM PDT
Well goddamn! You’d think we’d been invaded by Arabs or something. The News Journal is getting into the gas-free action by demanding motorists call in and report those service stations that have run out of gas:
If you see a gas station that has run out of gas, contact staff writer Angie Basiouny at 324-2796 or abasiouny@delawareonline.com.
I should call in and let them know I’ve run out of chips and Tostitos salsa con queso. Maybe they’ll send over an infusion unit to pump me full of calories.
Posted by Mike Matthews in General at 5:50 PM PDT
OK…so I had an idea. I decided to go through all of my music postings over the past year. Oddly, there have been only 13 songs I’ve offered to you, my music-eager readers, over the past year. I’ve decided to craft a mix-tape, so to speak. I’ve compiled all of the songs I posted into a WinZip file for your pleasure. It’s tentatively titled Best of DWA, Vol. 1. And, just in case the nefarious Recording Industry Association of America is reading, I’ll also add this caveat: If you like what you hear, purchase it legally. I’ve never been into illegally downloading ENTIRE albums. Never ever. If you like more than a couple songs from an album, then isn’t it a good idea to patronize the artist creating the work you enjoy?
Anyway, these songs are meant to whet your appetites. Burn them on to a CD or your portable MP3 devices. Blast them from your car stereos in this beautiful weather. If you enjoy, let me know and I’ll make further recommendations.
Apologies, as well. I realize the mix is a bit heavy on David Byrne and Richard Thompson.
This is a big file, so give it some time to download. Best of DWA, Vol. 1 (right click, save as)
Posted by Mike Matthews in Music at 9:35 PM PDT
Nearly a year ago I posted a song by the great English folk-rock guitarist Richard Thompson. Of course, no one commented on the song, as you folks normally don’t.
Well, I’ve been in a Thompson mood of late. So I thought you deviants would enjoy another selection from his catalog. This time I offer you a track from his 2003 album The Old Kit Bag. Gethsemane is a great rock song. Not too loud…not too soft, but with a distinct melody and some great guitar by the master himself.
Give it a chance. I’d hate to think that only Ryan Cormier and myself have some acceptable musical tastes. I’m sure you all would rather listen to the latest Kelly Clarkson for the hundredth time on God-awful Top 40 shithole WSTW (shout out to Jill in the Morning!).
Without further ado, I present to you…a REALLY good song.
Richard Thompson, Gethsemane (right click, save as)
Posted by Mike Matthews in Music at 8:44 PM PDT
Guess what time it is?
Posted by Mike Matthews in General at 4:20 PM PDT
All you liberals need to check yourselves and shut the fuck up! As stupid as it sounds, decider is a word, as the great Merriam-Webster Online shows.
I know where you treasonous ones are coming from, though. We’ve got such an ample supply of Bushisms that adding another to our oeuvre is like second nature. But let’s back off on this one. Bush may be dumb, but he got this one right!
Posted by Mike Matthews in ODB (Our Dumb Bush) at 5:55 PM PDT
A site called Freedom Watch has banned me from commenting. I only just visited it today, on a recommendation from blog diva Michelle Malkin. The post in question attacked Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria’s missionary position on illegal immigration:
Desperate to have the world know that she has brains, Eva Longoria, of “Desperate Housewives” advocates for ‘immigration’ and is definitely desperate. Longoria says she “is mad that people don’t talk about her brain.” What is so important in her mind that the rest of us need to be polluted with it? Read the complete story at Rueters.
Please note, however, that I only took issue with the author for claiming Longoria has no brains. I questioned the post author regarding certain spelling errors. I found it odd that someone would throw about a “no brains” claim and then make such egregious spellng errors. Said errors have since been corrected. Well, all except for “Rueters.” Anyhow, I mentioned this and got banned from the site. It was actually a fairly innocuous comment.
This is the first time I’ve been banned from ANY web log. And I’ve said MUCH worse things than that cheap attempt to correct someone’s spelling. I’m so glad we have blogs out there like Freedom Watch…who are helping to protect MY freedoms.
Posted by Mike Matthews in Conservatism at 10:08 PM PDT
Does anyone know where I can find good, FRESH Turkish figs? I’m talking the kind that, when cut open, reveal a juicy and sensual pink. Pathmark just ain’t cuttin’ it these days.
Posted by Mike Matthews in Food and recipes at 8:36 PM PDT
I’d say this is fairly true. Thanks to Ryan at Jokers to the Right for this pleasant waste of time.
| You scored as Emergent/Postmodern. You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don’t think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this. |
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Posted by Mike Matthews in Religion at 12:48 PM PDT